And I don’t mean to condescend or belittle.
But it just came to me, and I couldn’t help myself.
I thought we were supposed to pray FOR church plants.
Today was the first day where I could feel accusatory and condemning thoughts in my head. They weren’t audible, but they were definitely there. Third-party statements, criticizing not just things I did but who I am. Not a great way to start the day.
Also, the older I get, the more I’m afraid that this will be me one day.
There’s a lot of things that are easier in smaller groups. Dealing with a group of about 10 leaders means less communication is needed, more knowledge is just felt than explicitly talked about and known. Making a decision with a group of 70ish leaders, I am several degrees removed from many of them, can’t intuit how much impact the decisions will have, and have several fires that prevent me from addressing the several other fires.
I said to someone this past week that I’m not sure I have the capability to lead a group this size. It’s nice that I have some grounding as to why I feel this way. Not that it’s getting me anywhere closer to resolving the feeling. But still.